You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
