Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
