one two three fourrrrnication!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
