You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
