I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dear god my vagina.
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