Sry I called you an 8
The best revenge is premature balding
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
