I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
