Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
