he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
