there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
