literally had 100 drinks last night.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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