new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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