I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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