He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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