She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
