she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
