never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
