How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
