i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
