I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
