but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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