I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
