How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
