we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
