Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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