why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
