dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
