So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The air was thick with penises
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Randomize
