It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
