Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
