There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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