i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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