I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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