You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I could fuck to npr.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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