Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
