I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
