Don't make out with my wife yet
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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