I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
birth control should be required to get into college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
