No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
