sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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