i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
