i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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