grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
