he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
