Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
