Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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