we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You made out with two different species that night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
