Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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