im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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