I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
