you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
that's an acceptable place to lick
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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